How to Help the Primary Caregiver

Home is hard. In the hospital, a team of trained people who work shifts care for the person. At home, nearly all of these responsibilities fall to the primary caregiver(s).

Things that make a huge difference:

• If possible, ensure that the primary caregiver gets one hour each day where they are not solely responsible for the person they are caregiving for.
  • If you are local, you may be able to 'step in' once a day, once a week, or on occasion. Only offer what you can commit to. Reliability is imperative.
  • If possible, schedule this time when no actions are needed (see the index card system). If actions are needed, the primary caregiver will need to feel confident that you can accomplish them.
  • If you are not local, work with local caregiving relief people to offer coordination, online orders, etc.
• Feed the primary caregiver.
  • Even if the person receiving caregiving has special dietary considerations, the person caregiving also needs to be fed. Help them get three meals a day on plates.
  • Coordinate a MealTrain or other crowd-sourcing meal system.
  • Send meals from a delivery service.
  • Order pantry items for delivery (granola bars, jerky, nourishing snacks).
• Support the primary caregiver's needs.
  • What are their medical needs? Can you help make sure they take their medicines, vitamins, and get regular routine medical attention?
  • What are their physical needs? Can you help them go for a walk, go to a yoga class?
  • What are their social/emotional needs? Can you help them locate a support group, therapist, clergy person?
  • What are their other responsibilities? Can you take any of these things off of their plate?
    • Pet care - food, grooming, waste pickup, vet visits?
    • Lawn care/snow removal - can you provide or hire support?
    • General household support - can you order groceries, dishwasher/laundry soap, fill the car with gas, take it for an oil change?

Additional ideas:

Double Duty:

If two people can visit together, and with the permission of the primary caregiver, one can support the person recovering and the other can:

• run laundry
• wash dishes
• take out the garbage
• refresh the bed and towels
• vacuum (if the person receiving care will not be disturbed)
• take an inventory of things that need to be replenished or cared for

Send thank-you notes on behalf of the family:
It is impossible for the primary caregiver to keep track of who is offering support and thank you notes are not a priority. One thing you can do is send emails, texts, and written thank you notes on their behalf. Acknowledge the receipt of meals, gift cards, deliveries, etc.

Keep the support going:
Offers of support frequently come in as soon as someone comes home, and then trail off rapidly. When someone agrees to bring a meal or offer a service, ask if they would set a note on their calendar in six weeks to check in again. What is more valuable than everyone contributing all in the first week is ongoing support, even if the person receiving caregiving continues to improve and require less caregiving.